I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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