I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
