the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's always time for handjobs
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
