T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
