The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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