I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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