i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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