Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
