I faked an abortion last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
