My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So many bounce houses so little time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
