if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
