I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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