I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
