i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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