Non-Jews are for practice
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
