The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
