dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
NoShamevember. You game?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
