I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize