the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
