We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
