I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
