Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
