You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
