Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
