I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize