Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
