4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
