Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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