i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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