If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
