She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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