I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
