In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
