The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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