I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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