I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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