I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
