My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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