How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
