It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize