a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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