dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
