I think my fart just growled at me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
