you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
