Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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