my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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