I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
