he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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