OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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