i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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