yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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