Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sext me about skeletons
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