I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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