god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
