There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
