let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
