you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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