Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i dont even know how to be here
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
