my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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