So drunk, too bad you don't want this
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
