My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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