Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I could fuck to npr.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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