dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
