I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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