Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
