if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
