Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
