need another drink. this is the easiest way
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize