a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
